Elena Gilbert

etoilesmortant

maledictions

Before the death of her parents, Elena was your garden variety girl next door type. She was fairly popular at school, but preferred the company of a very close circle of friends that she had grown up with since Mystic Falls is that kind of ass-end of nowhere small town. She also did well at just about anything and everything she attempted or put her mind to. Elena has always been reliable as a friend and was always the person that could be turned to during a crisis. There really wasn't a whole lot missing from Elena's life that would be the picture of happiness. But Elena is still a teenager and that means trying to figure out who you are and what you want. Even before her parents' deaths, Elena struggled to find herself. For example, she started to date her best friend Matt but wasn't entirely happy with that. Their relationship was solid and comfortable and in a sense, Elena felt obligated to want it - or at least something similar to it. But on the other side of the coin, it felt too spelled out and finalized for her. Even back then when things were easier and simpler for her, Elena has been the sort of small town girl who didn't want to miss out on the world and has never been all that comfortable with settling with good enough.

The death of Elena's parents amplified these feelings tenfold, but also was a shock to her system. Elena, quite understandably, was depressed for a long time afterward. She broke up with Matt and stopped spending as much time with her friends. She seemed to spend more time writing in her diary than actually leaving the house. On top of grieving for her parents, Elena also had to deal with survivor's guilt because not only was she the only one to survive the accident, she was the reason why they were out driving in the first place. Elena began struggling with not just the typical teenage worries of figuring out her place in life, but also now trying to justify even wanting anything for herself in the first place. By the end of the summer though, she makes a conscious effort to move on from the death of her parents though in many ways, this is Elena putting on a brave face for the sake of everyone else.

Then there were vampires and that screwed everything up so much more. Though, to be fair, they didn't screw everything up right away over night.

At first, it was actually relatively nice all things considered. Elena managed to fall head over heels in love with Stefan Salvatore. Their relationship had its dramatic ups and downs, but the important part was that being with Stefan always made Elena feel safe without the feeling of being stifled like she felt in her relationship with Matt. With - not to be confused with "because of" - Stefan, Elena was able to experience new things and evaluate them for herself. She gained more confidence to say yes or no for herself in terms of what she wanted for her life though it came at some pretty steep prices and with some bad mistakes.

Elena has lost a lot of family in the process and her friends have lost a lot in the crossfire as well. (Matt lost his sister, Bonnie lost her grandmother, Caroline became a vampire, Jeremy and her both lost their aunt, she lost her biological parents, etc.) The loss is, however, a part of growing up and to a certain extent, it becomes almost normal and expected for Elena that she's going to lose something along the way. As long she doesn't lose everything, Elena manages to weather most of the losses she faces fairly well. And even when she feels like she's falling apart at the seams, she manages to keep it together to be there for her friends. Because at the end of the day, it's what she has left that matters most of all to her. Best example of this, of course, is Elena's willingness to offer herself up to Klaus for sacrifice in order to keep everyone else safe even though she can't even begin to realistically convince herself that somehow she's going to survive because nobody else is convinced. In fact, most people try to talk Elena out of going through with everything, but she has a enough resolve to make the choice for herself because at the end of the day, Elena is both stubborn and independent.

Lastly, there is also the important relationship Elena has with Damon which in a lot of ways is the polar opposite of her relationship to Stefan. Where Stefan offers a lot more safety and stability, Damon is generally unpredictable and volatile. At first, Elena outright hates and distrusts Damon. (And not a soul blamed her.) But as time goes on, Elena's views of things being black and white start to change and as a result, so does her opinion of Damon. While she is certainly able to sympathize with him on some level and she's able to offer him forgiveness in a lot of situations most wouldn't, she still holds him accountable for the bad things he says and does. It's a complicated relationship that Elena is generally unsure of how to approach or even how to define it because on the one hand, she is attracted to him and on the other, she knows better.

In some ways, Elena still is that girl next door even if her life is not so cookie cutter. She's been there to help and support the people she cares about through the various losses they've experienced. Her compassion for others has only intensified since the loss of her parents; before she was just a shoulder to cry and now she's willing to lay down her life to protect what she holds dear. At the same time though, Elena has become aware of how tricky the world/life can be to navigate and absolutes just don't work so much anymore. She doesn't have all of life's questions answered (and more importantly, she's come to realize she probably never will because things are way too complicated for that), she knows far more of what she wants than ever before. And the more she knows of what she wants, the firmer Elena is willing to stand and fight for that very thing regardless of whether or not the path ahead is straightforward.

All of this will factor into her decision regarding her transition into a vampire. On the one hand, Elena wanted all of the opportunities afforded to humans. This means that she will have to mourn the loss of her life in addition to struggling with accepting her new one because she isn't the sort of person who can easily feed on others given the risk of killing someone. In this way, Elena is going to have to once again redefine herself and learn to accept the pieces of herself that she cannot keep any longer (e.g. pushing through her unwillingness to feed so that she can sustain herself) as well as the uglier sides of herself (such as selfishness in wanting to keep people with her, anger and hatred towards both people who have left her and those who have taken them from her, etc.) as being a vampire doesn't mean only the good parts are amplified or that there's no down sides involved.

All of this about vampires. Hilariously enough, Elena was also somewhat trained to fight/kill vampires as well, so she's got a little training with some melee weapons and hand-to-hand, but only dabbled in being able to use things like a crossbow. Also of note, Elena is a Petrova doppelganger, and because what is consistency in canon, it has since been revealed that Elena's blood still has some magical properties that it makes for a more powerful punch for spells even though it was originally established that a vampire doppelganger is useless? I don't know, man. Point is: her blood is radical for a witch.

She's also presumably passing French??

It's carefully that Elena reaches for the thick, heavy curtain. The material under her fingers is coarse and if she were to allow herself to focus on it, she'd be able to feel every strand that make up the design that seems more suitable for a nursing home than the apartment of a young...

Anyway, she's got her hand on the curtain and stands at such an angle that she thinks she'll be able to see outside without getting into the direct sunlight that's giving the curtains a warm, orange glow. She peels the curtain back and a thin line of light manifests on the floor, widening and swallowing more and more of her living room floor. It hurts a little looking outside as white fireworks begin to erupt in the center of her vision even when she squeezes her eyes shut. But leaving the curtain there and giving it a few seconds longer, Elena's vision begins to settle and she can see out into the city.

City... Honestly, Elena thinks Mystic Falls was bigger than this place population-wise, but it's not really a criticism. In some ways, this is all probably for the best. She doesn't know if she can control herself well enough to be around so many people. The heartbeats that she can hear mingling with the sounds of occasional conversation and the creaks of floorboards is more than enough for her to struggle against if she lets her mind go blank.

In any case, she's looking outside now, waiting for the dark of night to fall so that she can get out of this apartment. It's not a bad place to be per se, but as melodramatic and cliche as it sounds, she misses the feeling of the warm sunlight. Her eyes drift towards the center of the city where the obelisk stands, caught in the sunlight. In some ways, that gives her hope. She doesn't know what it is, but it's not something that can be explained by anything other than magic. It has to be.

And while there might not be a way to make Elena human again, if there's magic in this world, there's a chance she can feel the sun again without fear.